Monday, June 28, 2010

Boundaries for Tootsie

First of all, can I say how stinkin' A-DOR-ABLE she is? I mean, who couldn't love this face!?

And I LOVE fooling with the hair. I've tried many different things and I just LOVE that she has so much hair. She loves it done, too. I put her in front of the mirror and brush it and put it up and she LOVES it. I can't figure out if it's the hair-doing she loves - or her reflection. :)
We call her "crazyhair" in the morning . . . because . . . . well . . . you get the idea. Anyone know what K-Drama that name comes from? Just curious. No prizes for this one.
I have to tie it up in the morning, or her breakfast is all tangled in this lovely stuff. (above)
Playin' in the sunshine.

Playin' in the bath with the boys.
(not sure what the tongue is all about, but at least he's looking at me in this one.)
Having fun in the stroller, with her brothers. Um, by the way, that's a DOLL stroller - that's how small she is. Seriously.

From the first moment I was with Joye, I was trying to come up with a nickname for her. The boys are Bubba and Wooda - don't ask. I call them "dude" and "boys" when asking for their help or calling them. I have MANY boy nicknames and I was trying like crazy to come up with one for baby sister. Little Miss and Tootsie have been the ones that stuck. Most often used: Tootsie. Like Tootsie Roll. But not. Is it just me, or does she NOT look like a Tootsie?! I think she does.
And our little Tootsie is learning some new things. Case in point:

I feel that she accepted me from the start. She comes to me for comfort and definitely knows that I am her mommy figure. I have filled every need and have comforted every cry. She knows who I am. She is a SMART little girl. VERY SMART. Which brings me to my next subject.

When we were asking FM the things that she liked and questions about sleep schedules and baths, one thing kept coming up. The girl HATES to go to sleep. Great.

ME: Does she like bathes?

FM: (chuckle) Yes, but she knows that it's bedtime.

ME: What is her sleeping schedule?

FM: Well, she doesn't like to go to bed. She doesn't take a nap and she goes down about 11:00 and sleeps until 8:00.

I already knew that she went to bed late and didn't have a nap. Upon arriving home, I noticed that she wasn't the night owl I had heard so much about. She slept. A lot. She was cake to get down, not a peep. Fell asleep within minutes and slept HARD (for the most part) at night.

I would put her down for bed and remember what FM said about how she hated to go to bed. Really? Weird, I thought. Huh, oh well. Maybe she's just sleepy lately, or maybe she copes through sleep (which still may be.)

Then - last night. All day she was happy - except when Chad hugged me, loved on me, or even touched me. She's going to have to get used to that, I said to myself. She would scream and have this tantrum-like-tone to her scream. Oh, boy. Then I tried putting her down for bed last night and she kept trying to get back up. Then she would scream and lay back down. It ended up with that same tantrum-like scream. Wowser. Never saw that before. I eventually calmed her down and she fell asleep.

I could link this to adoption, over-stimulation, grieving, and many other things. If I search my gut, I really believe that she was testing me. Seeing if I was actually going to make her go to sleep. Seeing if I was going to cave and let her down. Seeing if I was going to let her get by with that tantrum-like scream. NOPE. I stood my ground and she fell asleep. After thinking about it, I actually am glad for this. Even though it's hard. This means that she is truly letting me in and looking at me as Mom. She's testing me like any other 14month old would test her Mom. And like any other 14month-old, she needs boundaries. BIG ONES. But (and it's a big but), I am establishing them a little at a time. Still fulfilling her needs, but letting her know in a way that she understands, that everything isn't HER way.

She tried that SAME THING at her nap today. She tried to get up and I laid her back down and said "no, it's nigh night time." She would cry (a very fake one - at that) and then suck on her bottle, and then in half the time as last night, she finally fell asleep.

So that's what we are working on now. Boundaries. A little at a time. She needs them, to feel safe and to know that I am here to take care of her no matter how loud and snotty her cry is. :)

She is SUCH a blessing to have around and as with any other stage with raising kids, this too shall pass. We are so in love with her and it feels like she has always been here. I love her SO much and can't imagine my life without her. My heart is literally bigger than before she was home. It's THE MOST amazing feeling in the world.


Tracie said...

She's beautiful, Jayme!!!

Michelle said...

Jayme - I am so happy to read that things are going so well with Joye's transition in to her new home. The pictures are killing me & Brian. She could quite possible have the most perfect little face! And, the hair - oh my goodness, don't even get me started! Your wisdom as a mom and your "gut" feelings are invaluable to us first time moms and I thank you for that. I think you're right on and I can't wait to read more. I will be emailing you with some questions, so be prepared :)

Hardcorescrapper said...

Those pictures are PRECIOUS! And that hair... oh glorious hair! Having two boys, I can't WAIT to have hair like that to play with! She is so precious! You are doing such an amazing job parenting her! Keep it up and enjoy every moment!

Steve and Karen said...

You said it with "boundaries". Our little one is finally getting what "boundaries" are.

I could discuss this one for an hour.
Love the hair and she is so beautiful.

Nannie said...

Jayme - I enjoyed reading your journey to bring your beautiful little girl home. She has such an abundance of hair, not usually typical of Korea girls. My daughter brought her daughter home in May (Karen & Steve- Ladybug, Ladybug) and she is doing well now, but the departure from the foster family was very, very difficult. God bless your wonderful family. Donna (a.k.a. Nannie from NJ)

Michelle said...

You're right, I would not be able to resist that face....or the hair! She is so perfect. What a beautiful family you have. I'm so excited to continue following your journey with her now home. What a wonderful gift to finally have her in your lives after all this time.