Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Waiting Wednesday

As the wait drags on, I am reminded of what we have been through from the beginning. So today I felt led to do 10 things that the journey of adoption has taught me. Here they are:

1. Patience. I put this at #1 for a reason. This one has been the hardest for me. I am NOT a patient person, by design - or so I thought. Am I as patient as I ought to be, sadly no. Am I more patient than I was 18 months ago? YEAH. This journey has given me a grand opportunity so exercise my patience muscle.

2. Faith. I would be lying if I didn't say my faith has been strengthened. Alot. When we were waiting for our referral, there were times when I wondered if the day would ever come that I would "meet" my daughter for the first time. It did. Now sometimes I wonder if she will ever be home. I have faith that she will. God has proved to be faithful throughout this entire journey.

3. Trust. Now, you might be saying, "faith and trust are the same." I thought they were too. But I go@gled them and they are in fact, different. Faith is believing the unseen. Trust is believing in spite of the evidence. I don't have trust in the process, the governments, the agencies. I have trust in God, in that HE is responsible for getting her home. He is responsible for approving her EP in His timing. I have trust in HIM and HIM only.

4. Love. Beginning this journey I knew about love. I knew it was powerful and deep. The love that I feel for this little girl is nothing I have ever experienced. Eventhough I have never met her, I love her just as much as my boys. She's my daughter, and I love her deeply. Everyday that I am away from her tears at my heart. If my boys were far from me for a long period, I miss them. Same things goes for Joye. The thought of missing her first birthday also makes me sad.

5. Knowing that everything works out for the good. Romans 8:28 is one of my favorites. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." 'Nuff said.

6. To Listen. Listen to Scripture. Listen to the Holy Spirit. Listen. When everything around me is doubtful and uneasy, I stop and listen. I choose not to listen to the world. I choose to listen to Him. I have learned to stop talking, and listen. When I stop and listen, things become a lot more clear.

7. To be thankful - no matter what. This one is a tough one as well. It's really hard to be thankful when things don't go the way you planned. I NEVER thought that I would be waiting this long. NEVER. But I am thankful. I never imagined that my daughter would be over a year when she came home. But, I am thankful. I have to be. Because ultimately I am thankful for His provision, His timing and His process. None of it may make sense now, but it might later on.

8. Surrender. I have ab-so-lute-ly NO control over this whole thing. I thought I did, and boy was I wrong. I tried with all my might to control, but I just ended up exhausted and defeated in the end. Then, I surrendered. I have to say, life has been a lot more peaceful since then. I realize how much energy I wasted by trying to do it my way. As hard as it was to relinquish control, I'm really glad I did. I have used surrender in many more things in my life, and it really works. Valuable lesson for me.

9. Confidence. Not confidence in myself, but confidence in that this whole thing is going to turn out ok. I didn't have that when we first started. We had just lost the baby and my faith and confidence was shaken. Really shaken. Is Korea our country? Will we have the money? What if, what if, what if?

I now have confidence that we are where we're supposed to be, doing what we were meant to do and believing in the One who made it all possible. Confidence in Him.

10. Fulfillment. If you would have told me five years ago that we would be adopting a little girl from South Korea, I would have told you you were nuts. Literally. Literally nuts. Adoption, really? What? Where-the-heck is South Korea? Eventhough it would have sounded crazy five years ago, nothing feels more right. I truly believe that I was created to be an adoptive mother. I know, I don't have her home yet, haven't done the bonding thing, and haven't answered the tough questions about birthparents. I know that nothing about this is going to be easy. I know that. Parenting isn't easy, homeschooling isn't easy, marriage isn't easy. But I love all three. I was created to be a part of all three.

Is Joye our last child? Maybe, but I doubt it. God has broke my heart for those who don't have a mommy and daddy or a family. No one to tuck them in, bandage their boo-boo's, cuddle them when they have a bad dream. I am truly fulfilled in knowing that my Heavenly Father hand-picked this journey for us. I believe fulfillment comes with obedience. If HE calls us again, I will follow.

Happy Waiting Wednesday to all you waiters. With each WW post, I know that I am that much closer to bringing my baby home. And be encouraged, because the same thing goes for you! :)


Allen and Kala said...

What a wonderful post. Your faith is amazing. I can't wait to see her in your arms!

Anonymous said...

So wonderfully put into words. Love it!!

Brittany said...

I have to agree with all 10. I never thought we'd be on this journey either, and I never thought it would take so long, but as you said so beautifully it is making us better moms.

Grace said...

I just found your blog while searching for how many travel calls eastern got in March...I am a 12/4/09 referral through Eastern and still waiting. I was really really encouraged by your post. Praying for patience for all of us who are waiting.