Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Happy 9 months!

My little Joye is 9 months today! I can't believe it. When we first started down this road and we began to tell people that we were adopting, the first thing they asked was "how old?" At the time, I said " she should be about 8-9 months old when we bring her home." Well, we are officially past the 9 month mark and really don't see the end in sight. Well, there is an end, it's just not as close as I would like it to be. I truly believe that we ARE going to have Joye home, but I just don't know how it will all work out. I feel really selfish when I say that I want to have her home by her first birthday. But I REALLY do. I feel for the mom's that have had to wait past that year mark, and some are STILL waiting. It breaks my heart.

We are still waiting on our I600, but it's because of MY stupid mistake. When we received Joye's referral, my agency sent me a form to re-submit our Department of Human Services background check. It had expired while waiting for forever for a match. It has to be current for us to finalize. So I thought it was no big deal. With the six months it would take to bring her home and then six months to finalize, I thought "I'll wait a little while and make sure it's current when we finalize." BIG mistake. My agency called last Monday asking where the current form was and when I mailed it. Ummm . . . it's still sitting on my desk. :) So I rushed down to the post office and sent it in. USCIS actually called my agency asking for it! Yeah, great. Who knows how long that takes and the USCIS probably put us at the bottom of the pile for not having our ducks in a row. And rightly so, I should have sent it off. I have been kicking myself for a week.

I'd like to think that this hang-up will catch-up to Korea in due time, but who knows. Korea is still behind in processing EP's. To be honest, I'm getting weary. I want ALL of our children home, not just mine. I'm trying to find the good in it all, but I just can't. Not today. I've been in a *negative* funk for a week. I can't shake out of it. It all seems so far away. Unreachable.

I know that it will eventually happen, but for now I'm just going to take it one day at a time and see what will become of it. There's really nothing else I can do. It's out of my hands.


Kara said...

I am so with you right now. But as I learned today , we have no control but to trust in him and his plan. It will happen for both of us and hopefully he has planned for it to be soon!:)

Rachel said...

I'm so sorry you are still waiting :( I found this part of the journey to be the most difficult...and I truly had thought it would get EASIER after getting a referral! Um, nope. Once you have seen your child's face, it is agony to have to wait to have him or her in your arms. I hope your wait is shorter than you expect!!!! She WILL get here and it WILL be amazing!!!!!!!!!!

Lucky Mama said...

I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now!

Mfuller said...

I've been feeling EXACTLY the same way you have been for about a week (maybe more) and haven't really shared it with anyone. I feel bad and like I shouldn't be feeling this way, especially when there are those that have waited so much longer. I read your post today and I'll have to say that it brought me a sense of peace to know that I'm not alone. There's nothing wrong with being sad that we can't share our love for these little angels. The wonderful thing is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Our China adoption for example - no light. It will be years (if at all) before we see an end. So, keep the faith and don't be so hard on yourself about this paperwork thing. In the end, I bet it won't make a difference :)