Fear is a word that is very well-known in every language. I think everyone has a fear of something. Fear of spiders. Fear of snakes.
One very-real fear that keeps me awake at night and ransoms my thought throughout the day, is how will my daughter receive me when I meet her for the first time. Will she scream? Will she smile? There is no doubt how overwhelming that moment will be for her.
I have a picture-perfect scenario run through my mind occasionally, she will just supernaturally "know" who I am, wrap her arms around my neck and smile uncontrollably. Yeah, right. That's how I hope it will be. That's what I pray for everyday. But, reality sets in and I begin to wonder how the whole thing will play out. Then, fear sets in. Maybe she will hate me, deny me and reject me? Maybe she will scream bloody murder when I take her away from her beloved Foster Mother. Not want to look at me. Prefer Chad over me. I could go on and on.
This morning I was reading one of my favorite books. I haven't finished it yet, but would highly recommend it. "Praying the Names of God" by Ann Spangler. She talked about how we are sheep and how God is our Shepherd. That we fear many things, like sheep, and can get lost, just like sheep. She then quoted this insightful masterpiece:
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness,
for His names sake.
Even though I walk through the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
For you are with me;
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
He is with me. Always. I can cast my fears upon Him, because He can take them. And in return He will "restore my soul" and give me peace. Only He can comfort me. Only He can shepherd me in the right direction.
One thing I don't fear, is death and where I am going when I die. I am not going to Heaven because I write Scripture on my blog and go to church. Salvation is not earned. It is given, as a gift. If there are any sheep out there that want this priceless gift and a Shepherd with you, guiding you, protecting you, and loving you unconditionally, then say this out loud as you read it.
Dear Lord Jesus,
I admit that I am a sinner. Everyone is. Today, I realize that I need you. I can't do this by myself. I believe that You are God's one and only Son. I believe that You came to earth as man. I believe that You died on the cross to pay the price for my sins. I also believe that you rose from the dead, conquering death itself. Jesus, with that faith I confess my sins to You and ask for your forgiveness. I believe that You alone can wash away my sins, and I ask You to occupy my heart. Replace my heart with Yours. Guide me in Your direction. I give you my fears, concerns, failures and I ask for Your peace and tranquility. From this day forward I promise to love You and seek you in all I do.
In Your precious name I pray, Amen.
May the Holy Spirit be upon you as you walk through life as a new being. Welcome to the Kingdom!
Sisters - a few photos of my girls
2 weeks ago