Boundaries for Tootsie

First of all, can I say how stinkin' A-DOR-ABLE she is? I mean, who couldn't love this face!?






And I LOVE fooling with the hair. I've tried many different things and I just LOVE that she has so much hair. She loves it done, too. I put her in front of the mirror and brush it and put it up and she LOVES it. I can't figure out if it's the hair-doing she loves - or her reflection. :)
We call her "crazyhair" in the morning . . . because . . . . well . . . you get the idea. Anyone know what K-Drama that name comes from? Just curious. No prizes for this one.
I have to tie it up in the morning, or her breakfast is all tangled in this lovely stuff. (above)
Playin' in the sunshine.


Playin' in the bath with the boys.
(not sure what the tongue is all about, but at least he's looking at me in this one.)
Having fun in the stroller, with her brothers. Um, by the way, that's a DOLL stroller - that's how small she is. Seriously.

From the first moment I was with Joye, I was trying to come up with a nickname for her. The boys are Bubba and Wooda - don't ask. I call them "dude" and "boys" when asking for their help or calling them. I have MANY boy nicknames and I was trying like crazy to come up with one for baby sister. Little Miss and Tootsie have been the ones that stuck. Most often used: Tootsie. Like Tootsie Roll. But not. Is it just me, or does she NOT look like a Tootsie?! I think she does.
And our little Tootsie is learning some new things. Case in point:

I feel that she accepted me from the start. She comes to me for comfort and definitely knows that I am her mommy figure. I have filled every need and have comforted every cry. She knows who I am. She is a SMART little girl. VERY SMART. Which brings me to my next subject.

When we were asking FM the things that she liked and questions about sleep schedules and baths, one thing kept coming up. The girl HATES to go to sleep. Great.

ME: Does she like bathes?

FM: (chuckle) Yes, but she knows that it's bedtime.

ME: What is her sleeping schedule?

FM: Well, she doesn't like to go to bed. She doesn't take a nap and she goes down about 11:00 and sleeps until 8:00.

I already knew that she went to bed late and didn't have a nap. Upon arriving home, I noticed that she wasn't the night owl I had heard so much about. She slept. A lot. She was cake to get down, not a peep. Fell asleep within minutes and slept HARD (for the most part) at night.

I would put her down for bed and remember what FM said about how she hated to go to bed. Really? Weird, I thought. Huh, oh well. Maybe she's just sleepy lately, or maybe she copes through sleep (which still may be.)

Then - last night. All day she was happy - except when Chad hugged me, loved on me, or even touched me. She's going to have to get used to that, I said to myself. She would scream and have this tantrum-like-tone to her scream. Oh, boy. Then I tried putting her down for bed last night and she kept trying to get back up. Then she would scream and lay back down. It ended up with that same tantrum-like scream. Wowser. Never saw that before. I eventually calmed her down and she fell asleep.

I could link this to adoption, over-stimulation, grieving, and many other things. If I search my gut, I really believe that she was testing me. Seeing if I was actually going to make her go to sleep. Seeing if I was going to cave and let her down. Seeing if I was going to let her get by with that tantrum-like scream. NOPE. I stood my ground and she fell asleep. After thinking about it, I actually am glad for this. Even though it's hard. This means that she is truly letting me in and looking at me as Mom. She's testing me like any other 14month old would test her Mom. And like any other 14month-old, she needs boundaries. BIG ONES. But (and it's a big but), I am establishing them a little at a time. Still fulfilling her needs, but letting her know in a way that she understands, that everything isn't HER way.

She tried that SAME THING at her nap today. She tried to get up and I laid her back down and said "no, it's nigh night time." She would cry (a very fake one - at that) and then suck on her bottle, and then in half the time as last night, she finally fell asleep.

So that's what we are working on now. Boundaries. A little at a time. She needs them, to feel safe and to know that I am here to take care of her no matter how loud and snotty her cry is. :)

She is SUCH a blessing to have around and as with any other stage with raising kids, this too shall pass. We are so in love with her and it feels like she has always been here. I love her SO much and can't imagine my life without her. My heart is literally bigger than before she was home. It's THE MOST amazing feeling in the world.

Night and Day

When we first got home we all (except the boys) had our days and nights mixed up. Our first real night home was really mixed up because we all fell asleep at 3:00 am. Then Joye slept HARD during the day and then was up at night. To be expected. So the first thing I tried to regulate was her eating schedule. Man, is this girl an eater. She can flat put down the food. She really loves her bottle too, and so I was giving it to her more than what FM was giving her in Korea.

After about two nights of being up, I tried not to let her sleep through the day. That way she was good and tired for bed that night. Sunday we kept her up all day. The night before, she was up quite a bit with what I thought was hard grieving. Turns out she had tummy troubles. Her BM's are hard and they were giving her trouble. So she was SUPER sleepy all day long. She was basically half-asleep when I gave her a bath that night. I got her jammies on and got her bottle with her blankie and she was O.U.T. I put her down at 8:30 and she slept until about 4:00 and stirred. I gave her another bottle (because that's what FM did in Korea) and then she slept hard until 8:30 a.m. She sleeps with Chad and I. I do put her in her crib for naps. AFTER she falls asleep on our bed, of course. FM didn't give her naps, which is amazing to me. Last night we did the same thing, except on our way to Kaleb's baseball practice, she fell asleep in the car. I couldn't wake her up for anything, either. She was out! Then about 45 min. later she woke. Then dinner and bath, bottle, blankie at about 8:30. She stirred and I gave her a bottle again and she slept until 6:30 this morning.

I put her down at 12:15 and we will see how long she sleeps for. :)

That night that she slept 12 hours was great! Like night and day - she was a HAPPY GIRL the next morning. She's usually always happy, but she was excessively so that morning and really all day. She is SUCH a joy to be around and I can't imagine my life without her. She is so happy and her little personality is infectious. She loves the boys and Chad, but really prefers me. (Can I get a silent 'wooohooo?!') She won't go to Chad for great lengths, but is content for a little while with him.

She gets really jealous when anyone hugs me or loves on me. She will squeal and put on this fake cry. It's hilarious! FM warned me about that. I just keep lovin' on everyone to get her used to it. We all think it's funny and there are no hurt feelings. :)

I just can't believe how amazing this whole experience has been. I literally praise God for the wonderful things HE has done. I am amazed how it all played out and how my heart's desire was fulfilled. My heart breaks for FM and for her birthmother. She is such an angel from heaven and I can't imagine how painful it must have been to let her go. I couldn't do it, and I have only been with her for a week! I have such admiration for FM and what she does. She gave Joye such an awesome foundation. Indescribable.

As for the hard BM's, we are working on those. She puts her head on the ground and then straightens her legs to get them out. Kind of like she's trying to do a somersault. She looks like a tripod. I know elevation has ALOT to do with it. She's drinking tons of water. She loves Soy Milk and FM gave her 2 bottles a day, so we'll try that. And some prune/apple juice. It's definitely getting better.

Otherwise, we're just settling in nicely. Keeping our outings down to just a little at a time.

I just want to say thank you again to all of you who prayed. It worked wonders! I really give the glory to whom it's due. HE did it. But prayers helped more than you'll ever know. THANK YOU.

Business to do.

Congrats to preciosarockera3 for getting the main actress of Stairway to Heaven right!!!! Send me your address and I will send you the special gift that I picked out! It's straight from the Land of the Morning calm.

Email me at jbaxter0619@yahoo.com and I will get that right out to you!

Thanks for playing!

Pictures!

Abram had a severe case of hayfever and itched his poor little eyes into oblivion. Can you believe the hair on our little angel?
After her first bathy at home.
Her shirt says it all.
At Incheon Airport. The last picture of Joye in her homeland.
This is our "Forever Day" picture. This was actually taken the morning before we left, but you get the idea. :)




I'll post more later on. She just fell asleep and I better catch some z's myself.

The 'we are home!' Update

I bet you all thought we fell off the face of the earth, eh?! Not quite. It HAS been a LONG time since I posted and I am really sorry about that.

So last time I left you, we got Joye forever on Tuesday night. We went up to a meeting room and waited for our Social Worker to translate. She came in and gave me some last minute paperwork and Joye's pre-flight report. About 30 mins. later SW said "it's time to go." I will never forget those words. We all got up and headed into the hallway where the elevator was. We told FM that Joye will always remember her and that we will always take good care of her. SW asked who was to hold Joye and Chad pointed to me. FM handed her off and began to cry. Chad asked if he could hug her and then embraced her. Chad, me (holding Joye) and FM all stood in a big hug and FM just sobbed. It was the saddest thing to experience. Finally SW opened up the elevator and told us to get in. I told FM I loved her and she asked for pictures and to keep in touch. We ended the meeting in tears and she did a deep bow and waved goodbye to Joye and then the elevator doors closed.

Joye never made a peep, but knew full well what was going on. We got up to room and she looked at me and then instantly fell asleep. She slept for about 1.5 hours and woke up confused. She then cried hard for about 20 minutes and then we started to play. The rest of the night went really well. I got out that 'mattress' quilt I bought and Joye really loved that. We played for a while and then she started to get sleepy and we curled up on the floor. While we were playing she crawled into my lap and said "omma." I couldn't believe my ears, I thought it was a fluke at first, but she said it very clear. She slept through the night, not a peep.

Wednesday morning she woke up really quiet. Looking around and acting confused. About 20 mins. later she was all smiles.

She slept about 3/4 the way through the flight to San Francisco. She was SO good. We didn't end up getting the bulkhead seats that I requested and paid for, but it ended up working out ok. The Flight Attendants were very understanding that being in the center of the middle row wasn't going to work. :)

We landed in SF and then everything went crazy. Of the entire week, landing back in the US was THE WORST part of the trip. I know that sounds weird and strange, but that's totally how I feel. We arrived late and ended up missing our flight to Denver while still in the air to SF. I knew there were at least 3 other flights to Denver and that we were ok. Well, then immigr@tion. There were us and three other couples that had children who were immigrating to the US. We all stood in line waiting to go thorough the paperwork. We were like 4th in line. We waited and waited and waited and waited. The line wasn't moving. Then the guy we traveled with asked when we could get our stuff processed, and the immigr@tion guy was SO SO stinkin' poopy. He proceeded to fingerprint THE ENTIRE line. Since we all had babies we didn't need to be fingerprinted. Yeah, do you sense the frustration? We stood in line for TWO hours. TWO HOURS. It didn't need to take that long. We all just got off an eleven hour flight with babies, and NO breakfast on the plane because Economy had a power outage and they couldn't serve the food. He was in absolutely NO hurry and had a major power-play attitude. He could have processed us quickly and let us through. He didn't do that - intentionally. So meanwhile - back at the ranch - all of us missed our connecting flights. One couple had to stay the night in SF because the flights were all gone. Luckily we got on a THE LAST flight out of SF, in order to make our third and final connection.

I went up to the desk at our gate and asked the United guy to print our boarding passes, and explained the situation to him. He said "we will call you by your last name when we are ready for you." Well, an hour went by and the flight was boarding. I explained the situation to him again and he instantly jumped on me and said that the flight was booked because I didn't check in. WHAT?! Luckily, he realized that he needed to probe a little more and that the mix up was his fault. He rearranged a few things and we boarded the flight to Denver. Joye slept and was an angel.

Then we made our third and final connection and were finally home at our local airport at 10:45 p.m. We made the hour-long ride home and Joye did great. She was quiet and somber, but really good. We took a bath and got her ready for bed and snuggled in at about 3:30 a.m.

Three hours in she began to really grieve. She's totally asleep, but cries. It's a sad cry and absolutely breaks my heart. So she cried on and off until about 5:00 a.m. and then we had breakfast. Her sleeping schedule is really all over right now. Which is to be expected. Last night we snuggled in earlier and then she was still restless and sad. I think she had gas, because her cry was different and she acted like she couldn't get comfortable. During the day she is happy, laughing, and a literal bundle of joy. Her name fits her. She still says "omma" to me and totally knows where to come for comfort, food or just snuggles. She goes to Chad easily and loves him being around. She LOVES the boys. They help to keep her entertained and are SO happy she's home.

We can feel all the prayers that all of you are lovingly sending up for us. The trip home (except for immigr@tion) was perfect. She was SO good on all the planes. Her transition went WAY better than expected and that I thank our Heavenly Father for. HIS hand is visible all over this experience. I am SO thankful.

She is so social, happy and an all-around pleasure to have around. Sometimes I have to pinch myself when I am feeding her a bottle and watching her sleep. She is truly a miracle and I am so happy to be a part of her life.

I'll do just post of pictures, coming soon.

2nd Meeting

It's almost 6:00 here and we had a really good meeting with Dr. Kim. She is SUCH a nice lady. We had lunch with her and met two other couples from the US and then a couple from Australia. Really great to meet them. We shared stories of being around Seoul and discussed adoption and the flight home. All three of our families will be on the same flight home. It ought to be interesting.

Sidenote: Remember how I said that I didn't think Eastern was that big? I take that back. It has SIX floors. The area I thought was bigger than it really is, is the Social Worker area. It's pretty tiny.

Our second meeting with Joye went well. We met in the Business Center(which is where I am now) and then we took her up to our room and had Family Time. She was pretty happy. There were times when she looked around and put her little lip out. She cried a few times. It was really sad. Both Chad and I are sad to take her from Foster Mom. But that is what we came here to do, realistically. I had bouts of guilt and sadness and then I had to focus on the prize. Two paths. Leave her here, or take her with us. It's obvious what we came here to do. Foster Mom has done this 14 times, she knows what is coming. It breaks my heart to pieces. None of this is easy.

Our SW gave us a choice, to take her Tuesday night or wait until Wednesday before we leave for the airport. She doesn't have stranger anxiety, but she will react to Foster Mom leaving. I really debated on this. Chad left it up to me and my Mother's intuition. I would rather get the crying out here, than at the airport. So I chose tomorrow. We will get her forever tomorrow night at 5:00 p.m. I'm excited but a little nervous. This is where you all come in. Prayers. Please.

Near the end of the meeting, she fell asleep in my arms. Priceless. When she woke up, she was in Foster mom's arms. Not ideal, but we went with it. She woke up suddenly and then Foster Mom told her to say goodbye to us. She excitedly waved goodbye and looked VERY happy to see us go. :)

After the meeting we went to Dunkin' Donuts and sat. Then we ventured out and I FINALLY found the CD's I have been looking for since we touched down. YAY for that!

Well, we are headed out for dinner and we will probably see you on the other side. I really don't know if I will post again before we head out. We plan to hit Itaewon tomorrow with our new friends we met today. That ought to be fun. I'm sad to think about leaving this awesome country. We can't WAIT to come back or shall I say- adopt again?! Let's just get sweet Joye home first, then we'll talk about that! HA!

Love from the Land of the Morning Calm.

You are SURE you're a Hillbilly when . . .

10. . . .you are the only one walking around without an umbrella.

9. . . you are the only one sportin' Carhartt shorts.

8. . . . you call the front desk a dozen times within the first hour of checking in.

7. . . . the toilet is smarter than what you are doing on it.

6. . . . you are the source of entertainment on the subway.

5. . . .you're the only one with facial hair.

4. . . . the waitress has to fix your meal and tells you when and how to eat.

3. . . . . you whip out your camera to take a picture in the middle of the restaurant of your food before you eat it.

2. . . . you swear you have massive bruises on your hips (from the hard beds), but when you look there is nothing there.

1. . . . you have to clean out your pants after a taxi cab ride.

We used the term 'hillbilly' because that's how we feel, not how we are treated. We are very different, but very similar. It has been so neat to be amongst our daughter's culture. We can't wait to come back and bring her to Lotte World. The people are very loving and nice. This was just fun post that we laugh about to ourselves. We just thought we would share.

(Chad came up with this list. I think he did a GREAT job.)