Surrender.

Surrender.

When I hear this word, this is what I think of:

Giving up. Losing. Quitting. Not trying hard enough. The opposite of control.

Webster's Dictionary terms surrender as: 1. (a) to yield to the power, control, possession of another upon compulsion or demand. (b) to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another. 2. (a) to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner. (b) to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence).

The past three months have been tough. For a year, my whole world has been centered on our adoption process. Everytime our Homestudy was delayed, or our Social Worker said she would call, and didn't, we would both say, "It's all in God's timing!" Saying it, put us both at ease. When the list didn't move last fall, we said "We're just beginning - we still have alot of waiting left to do!" No. Big. Deal.

In June, we repeated to ourselves, "it's all in God's timing." Then came July, we asked "I wonder why God's stalling the list and our process? We want her home by Christmas!" Many questions have crossed our minds. I became frustrated, angry, and even lost hope that we would even see the light at the end of the adoption tunnel. We kept reminding ourselves that God put us on this path, and HE is faithful. I trusted Him. I did. But I silently wondered why he couldn't just move the list a couple of spots. Restore our hope for a little while longer. I mean, He can do anything, why not this little thing?

Then I realized, through MANY revelations, that I was focusing WAY to much on the list, movement, and what number I was that I was losing sight of what really mattered. Jesus.
It was then that I surrendered.

I didn't give up - I let go.

I let go of the fact that I can't do anything about the list standing still.

I let go of all the details of how many referrals per month it will take to get her home by Christmas.

I let go of it ALL. I surrendered this process to Him. It's His process, not mine. It's His daughter, not mine. HE has given me the immense pleasure of loving her, teaching her, raising her and cherishing every single day with her. She is HIS, not mine.

I LOVE the way the Bible uses the word surrender.

"Surrender yourself to the LORD, and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7a

Patience is hard, and so is surrendering. However, I believe we were made to do both, in Him.

Trusting in Him allows us to experience peace, freedom and His power in our lives.

Like the old hymn goes, " I surrender all."

All to Jesus I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him;
In His presence daily live.

Refrain:

I surrender all;
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
Oh, the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His name!