This past week we celebrated being home for three months. YAY! We also sent in our second Progress Report and our $$ to begin the Finalization process. In the County we live in you don't have to have all three Progress Reports in to finalize, in case some were wondering. We should get a call with our Finalization date soon. Yay for THAT! It's just a piece of paper, which says what we already know - Joye is ours forever.
There is also something that I have been wanting to share for a while now, but haven't had the time. We are making BIG progress with the sleeping issue. Let me give you a little background first:
When we first brought Joye home, I was planning to parent just like I parented the boys. Same rules, same expectations. Although I had read MANY books on adoption and what to expect, I still had it in my mind that it all was the same. Relatively. I mean, I didn't expect her to be left with a stranger and be ok. I knew and planned for adoption-related issues and was planning on dealing with them as they arrived.
One thing I did NOT plan on was sleeping issues. I don't know why, I just never thought much about it. (I must have skipped that chapter in the books ;) I expected sleeping problems for the first month, when we were getting used to her and to allow for Jetlag. By month two, I was stumped and frustrated. "Sleeping and getting tired are an INSTINCT, like hunger and the ability to fill a diaper!" I told myself and others. What is the big deal?! I was expecting her to be independent, fall asleep on her own, and be able to be secure when I wasn't in the room. Just like the boys were at 15-16 months of age. The boys didn't go through the loss that Joye has, and I began to realize other specific things that helped me be more compassionate.
I bought a book while we were waiting, "Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child" by Patty Cogen. I briefed through it and read a chapter here and there. I found it incredibly depressing at times. I put it down and decided that it wasn't positive enough, and my daughter was going to different than the child/children that she describes in the book. (To some point I still believe this, some of the material is pretty bleak, but the majority of it is very helpful)
After I fought Joye to sleep for an hour-and-a-half one night, I decided to crack it open. Turned right to the chapter about sleep. My eyes were opened. The reason why she cried 15 minutes after I put her down, was because she wanted to be near me and was getting attached to me. Never thought about that.
It's apparent that she had sleep issues in Korea, as well. She had NO nap and went to bed at 11pm and woke at 8am. FM said that she didn't like to go to sleep. I also think that she dreams about FM and Korea too. This is where she grieved.
"She needs to self-soothe!" I would tell myself. Then I read the chapter on self-soothing. After reading, I found that Joye didn't know how to self-soothe. She needed help to know what were good pre-bedtime habits and what were not. Pulling hair - NOT a good habit. Pinching herself - NOT a good habit. I was told that Joye DID NOT accept "fake nipples" or pacifiers. However, I have picture from Korea with one in her mouth. ???? I never got a pacifier from FM. If it was vital, I KNOW FM would have given it to us. I think maybe she had one, and then weaned herself off and then maybe regressed a little when she came home. I don't know, just guessin'.
After she fell asleep (which took a while), she had the suckle thing going on. Well, she fell asleep with bottles in Korea, which I eliminated shortly after arriving home. Because once they were gone and out of her mouth, she would wake, FLIP OUT and scream because it was gone. It was making the sleep thing WAY WORSE.
I took all these pieces of the sleep puzzle and started putting them together.
For the record, I was adamantly opposed to introducing a pacifier at 16 months of age (before I read Cogen's chapter on self-soothing, and realized that she *might* have had one in Korea). I would have NEVER introduced a paci to the boys at 16 months! Neither of the boys had paci's past 12 months. Because they didn't NEED them. Joye needed something to help comfort her and put a different spin on falling to sleep.
So I relented, and busted a puggy out of the archives. Let's see what happens?
I *showed* her the pacifier and she pointed to it and went "uh, uh, uh!" She knew exactly what it was and wanted it REALLY bad. Ever since, we have absolutely NO problems going to sleep. I followed Cogen's advice and give it to her when we start the pre-sleep process. No fighting, no crying, just peaceful drift into restful sleep. !!!!!
She wakes up fewer times in the night (hardly ever). Rarely wakes from her naps and is sleeping 1.5 hours almost everyday! It's like a magic button! When she wakes, she hands it to me as if to say "here, take it, I'm done, for now."
The purpose of this post was to remind myself that sometimes I have to be more open-minded as a parent and as a person. I want to do what is best for Joye. If she needs a pacifier, then she needs one. Right now she needs A LOT. And I am totally ok with that. My expectations are more aligned with what is best for Joye and what she needs right now. I'm finding that parenting her is pretty different from when the boys were her age. But then the boys were (and still are) very different from each other and parenting them is still different.
Having Joye has been a wonderful experience for me. I have learned SO much from her. She's made me a better mom (not meant to be a compliment to myself, just that I have had to think outside 'the box' and it's been good for me).
Another thing is that we have been home for only 3 months! A lot of progress has been made in this short time! Our Heavenly Father has taught me a lot about finding the good in the trials. As hard as it is to look past the bad, it's really encouraging to see the good.
- - - - - - - - In other news . . .
Tootsie started standing, from a squat in the middle of the room, for the first time today! She will be walking VERY soon. Yikes! I'm not sure I'm ready for this! Batten down the hatch!
She caught her first cold, and the poor little thing is a trooper. Not much seems to get her down. That and she has the tiniest little nose on the planet! Where does all the green gooey stuff come from? (Probably TMI)
She can say "poo poo" which is our nickname for the dog.
She says "ow" for when she gets hurt, but says it when she's not.
She says "uh-oh" when something falls or drops.
"da da" for belly button.
When I hand her the prune juice bottle every morning she says "deet, deet" for thank you. Doesn't say it again until the next morning when I give her the same bottle.
When I look at her picture that we got from Korea, before we went to get her, I see a different baby. Even the pictures of us together as a family for the first time. She has changed SO much. Some good, some bad. The good is that she's growing like a weed and doing more things. The bad is that I feel her culture, language and a part of her is leaving. As she adapts to America, I feel less of Korea. It breaks my heart. It's inevitable, I guess. But it still makes me sad.
"LORD GOD, I desire that these things will be remembered before you: my work produced by faith, my labor prompted by love, and my endurance inspired by hope in my Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 1:3
I am just a sheep, trying to follow the voice of my Shepherd, Jesus. I feel my purpose in this life is to educate my children in the strong foundation of Jesus Christ, and to help those that are fatherless. Adoption, homeschooling, cloth diapering, are just some of the things that I love to talk about.
My husband of eleven years and I have four blessings: two "homegrown" boys and two daughters that were born in South Korea. Joye came home in June of 2010 and we felt led to add another little girl to our family. Judaya should be home in summer of 2012. Life is exciting and always filled with joy.
K is our oldest. He loves baseball, camping and his little sister. He has a heart for Jesus and we see him live that out regularly.
Abe is our little engineer. He thrives on abstract thinking and creativity is his passion. We are amazed at what his little mind comes up with on a daily basis.
Joye SeoYeon (2)
Joye was born in South Korea and we brought her home June 16th 2010. She is our spicy, typical two-year old. Adopting her has been the most difficultly rewarding experience of our lives. She loves her daddy and mimicking everything I do.
Judaya - in Korea - our fourth child.
As per our agency, pictures of our newest addition aren't allowed to be shared. She will turn one in July, and will probably be home before her 2nd birthday. We pray for her daily and can't wait for her to join us and fill us with MORE joy!
Judaya's Adoption Timeline:
November 2010: On the list again!
1/24/11: Verbal Acceptance
2/15/11: Mailed off Lifesong application.
2/21/11: HS Update meeting with Social Worker.
2/22/11: Heard from Lifesong. Trying to expedite application because they know we are in an hurry. YAY!
3/1/11: Lifesong gives us a covenant loan and a matching grant!! Praise Jesus!
3/9/11: Another grant for $2000! Unexpected but totally God!
5/6/11: Heard the news that EP's are filled for this year. Looking at bringing Judaya home summer of 2012.
6/23/11: ATK: Acceptance To Korea.
7/1/2011: Judaya turns ONE!
Joye's Adoption Timeline
8/4: Sent in our Formal Application
8/12: Officially an AAC Family
8/14: #25 on the Girls List!
10/1: SW called, start HS in Nov.
11/10: Boys' and I had Health Eval.
12/1: #18 on list.
12/7: 1st HS Meeting - Home Visit
12/13: 2nd HS Meeting
12/17: C's Medical Eval.
3/4: Individual Interview's for H.S.
4/1: Lucky #10!
5/2: Our precious Joye is born!!!
9/21: #3!!!! Finally moving again!
11/2: Officially Accepted - Baby Joye is 6 months old!
11/3: Recieved Acceptance Packet from AAC
11/4: Signed and Notarized Acceptance Packet and overnighted BACK to AAC
11/10: Sent First Care Package to AAC for baby sister
11/12: Care package arrives at AAC - ready to ship to Korea
12/5: Recieved updated pictures of our girl and a video.
12/7: State Approval (YAY!)
12/14: Rec'd Legals in the mail.
12/23: Recieved I-797C
1/7: More pictures!
1/13: Fingerprint Letter!!
1/14: Fingerprints Done.
2/16: I600 Approved! YAY!
2/20: Received I-171H in the mail.
2/22: NVC in!
2/25: NVC out!
2/26: P3 out!
4/16: Signed Class B
5/6: Notified that we were submitted for EP
5/24: P3 Returned and EA
5/25: Visa Interview
6/1: TRAVEL CALL!!!
6/9: Leave for Seoul!!
6/15: "Forever Day" The day we received Joye forever.
6/16: Home from Korea.
6/17: Family Day. The day the boys met baby sister and we became a Family of 5.
There was a man who was walking along a sandy beach where thousands of starfish had been washed up on the shore. As he looked down the beach he noticed a boy picking the starfish one by one and throwing them back into into the ocean. He got closer and called out "Good morning! What are you doing?" The boy paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing strfish in the ocean. If I don't throw them back in they will die." The man said, "Don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it? You can't possibly make a difference." The boy listened politely. Then he bent down, picked another starfish and threw it into the sea, past the breaking waves. He looked at the man and said, "It made a difference for that one." ~ from: For His Glory Outreach Website
"My heroes are those who risk their lives every day to protect our world and make it a better place - police, firefighters and members of our armed forces."- Sidney Sheldon