Surrender.

Surrender.

When I hear this word, this is what I think of:

Giving up. Losing. Quitting. Not trying hard enough. The opposite of control.

Webster's Dictionary terms surrender as: 1. (a) to yield to the power, control, possession of another upon compulsion or demand. (b) to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another. 2. (a) to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner. (b) to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence).

The past three months have been tough. For a year, my whole world has been centered on our adoption process. Everytime our Homestudy was delayed, or our Social Worker said she would call, and didn't, we would both say, "It's all in God's timing!" Saying it, put us both at ease. When the list didn't move last fall, we said "We're just beginning - we still have alot of waiting left to do!" No. Big. Deal.

In June, we repeated to ourselves, "it's all in God's timing." Then came July, we asked "I wonder why God's stalling the list and our process? We want her home by Christmas!" Many questions have crossed our minds. I became frustrated, angry, and even lost hope that we would even see the light at the end of the adoption tunnel. We kept reminding ourselves that God put us on this path, and HE is faithful. I trusted Him. I did. But I silently wondered why he couldn't just move the list a couple of spots. Restore our hope for a little while longer. I mean, He can do anything, why not this little thing?

Then I realized, through MANY revelations, that I was focusing WAY to much on the list, movement, and what number I was that I was losing sight of what really mattered. Jesus.
It was then that I surrendered.

I didn't give up - I let go.

I let go of the fact that I can't do anything about the list standing still.

I let go of all the details of how many referrals per month it will take to get her home by Christmas.

I let go of it ALL. I surrendered this process to Him. It's His process, not mine. It's His daughter, not mine. HE has given me the immense pleasure of loving her, teaching her, raising her and cherishing every single day with her. She is HIS, not mine.

I LOVE the way the Bible uses the word surrender.

"Surrender yourself to the LORD, and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7a

Patience is hard, and so is surrendering. However, I believe we were made to do both, in Him.

Trusting in Him allows us to experience peace, freedom and His power in our lives.

Like the old hymn goes, " I surrender all."

All to Jesus I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him;
In His presence daily live.

Refrain:

I surrender all;
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
Oh, the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His name!

Getaway

Since we have been saving and saving for the adoption, we haven't really gone anywhere in a while. Gone anywhere to get away, that is. So my hubby and I decided to take the boys and go camping for an extra-long weekend.

I really needed to forget about everything adoption and get up in the high elevation and see God's beautiful country. I was excited. We all were. Chad wanted to get away from everything work, and relax. No cell phones, no TV, it was going to be GREAT.

We left on Thursday afternoon and headed up. We found the perfect campsite, right on the lake,

and maneuvered the pop-up in just the right spot. We decided that he would begin popping up the camper and I would go pay for our three-night stay. I didn't want to take the dog with me and so I put her in the truck and headed up the hill to the self-pay station. "Should I roll down the window?" I asked myself. "Naaaa, it's cool out here, and besides, I will be right back."

Came back from paying and proceeded to empty the truck. Well, I tried. The doors were locked. Huh, that's funny, why would Chad lock the doors while I was away?

Me: "Hey, babes, do you have the keys?"

Chad: "What keys?"

Me: "The key's to the truck." (hello!)

Chad: . . . feeling his pockets for the keys. "I think I left them in there."

Me: . . . starting to panic, while running to the truck to see if, in fact, they were in the ingnition.

"Uh,Ohhhhhhh."

My sweet hubby then calmly went into the trailer to get a coat hanger (that we have used for roasting marshmallows) and tried for AN HOUR to get the door unlocked.

He stayed calm, and I panicked. ALL of our food, clothes, bedding . . . EVERYTHING was in that truck. Locked. No cell phone (in the truck). My cell was dying and I couldn't get service. Wouldn't help anyway, who would we call? No one had a key to our house and therefore couldn't get our spare key. We were a good hour from home and had NO way of getting back safely. It was going to be getting dark in about two hours and we were stuck. In the wilderness. No food. No coats. Nothing.

We were contemplating breaking a small window, when a guy in a BIG truck stopped, rolled down his window and said, "I hope that's your vehicle!" We laughed. (ha, ha, ha . . . funny, dude!) Then his friend pulled up behind him and they both got out. We explained to them what had happened. The two guys and Chad ended up prying the door enough so that the coat hanger cleared the weather strip and then he pushed the unlock button with it. An absolute miracle! They then told us that they were just in the area looking around! They were at the right place at the right time. It took them less than ten minutes to help us.(I was shocked that they stopped.) They were from Washington and they were camped pretty far from where we were. We thanked them excessively and were totally thankful they came, and even stopped.

When they left, I said to my oldest son, "I believe those two men were Angels. We... were just touched by Angels." (Which happens to be my favorite show on TV right now. They have such good messages!)

Who would have known that a little three-pound dog would have locked the doors!

It was an important lesson for all of us. Next time I see someone that needs help, I will stop and offer. If they would have not stopped and helped, I still don't know what would have became of our getaway. What started as horrible, ended up as one of the BEST 'vacations' we have ever had as a family.

We . . .

. . . hiked,

. . . rock climbed. (Not really). Kind of a cool picture, though. The rock is only two-feet off the ground.

. . . echoed. (I'm pretty sure that's not a real word, but you get the idea.)

. . . fished.

. . . . roasted s'mores, relaxed, read and enjoyed ourselves immensely.

We came back Sunday, burned, filthy, exhausted but, pleasantly happy.

It ended up being a GREAT getaway and just what we all needed.

Some things

Some things I have been doing lately. . .

. . . not blogging. I really haven't had anything to blog about. There has been no movement in the list for about 9 weeks. But I'm not counting ;)

. . . wondering if this drought in referrals is normal. Well, it is. I checked. We had a lull in the fall of last year (it seemed easier back then). And others that have been through this assured all of us waiters that it is in fact, normal. The adoption process is very unpredictable.

. . . schooling. We started our school year a week ago. We started early so that we can have a month break when baby sister comes home.

. . . visiting a friend that just came home from Korea three weeks ago, with her adorable baby boy. It was great to hear her experience and see what it's like on the other side of waiting. (Now I'm wondering if a month off from school is enough time to adjust and get back on schedule).

. . . coming to the realization that we won't have baby girl home before Christmas. This was a tough one. Even if we do get a referral within the next month or two, the probability of her coming home before the New Year, is pretty small. Korea has a limit of how many visas are issued per year. The families that recieved their referral in June/July have been told that they may not get their babies' visa issued before the end of this year. Heartbreaking.

. . . understanding that EVERYTHING is in God's perfect timing. Trusting that HE has our best interest at heart. Knowing that we will see our baby's sweet face, eventually.

. . . feeling for those that have been waiting at the #1 and #2 spot on the list for the past 9 weeks! My heart just aches for these two families. It's been a long haul. One in particular has been waiting for longer than any of us, and Karen, I am praying for you and hoping that you will see your sweet daughter's face very soon!

. . . reading.

. . . listening to adoption-related podcasts.

. . . trying to be patient.

. . . teaching my boys the value of working together (and not fighting).

. . . praying. ALOT.

. . . dreaming of the day when our little girl will be with us, the family she was created for, and the family that was created for her. *Sigh*