Three

It has been three months since we have moved on the list. Almost four.

It has been a little over three weeks since I posted last. I had really nothing new to share. I tried to come up with another post, but I just couldn't.

I haven't posted in September yet, month three in the third quarter. So here it is:

We are now NUMBER THREE! Can you feel my excitement?! It was a LONG three (almost four) months of no girl referrals, no movement, no - nothing. And then, over the weekend two of my favorite waiters, #1 and #2 on our agency list, recieved their little girls. BEAUTIFUL little girls, I might add. Their stories - breathtaking, their patience - amazing. Our God has the absolute BEST timing. Ever.

I have to say, I am actually excited again about meeting our little girl for the first time. AND we are closer than we have ever been before. All of the sudden I feel VERY unprepared. There's really not much to do before we get the long-awaited call, but I feel like there is. :)

So, number three, I love being number three. It feels a heck-of-a lot better than #5!

Surrender.

Surrender.

When I hear this word, this is what I think of:

Giving up. Losing. Quitting. Not trying hard enough. The opposite of control.

Webster's Dictionary terms surrender as: 1. (a) to yield to the power, control, possession of another upon compulsion or demand. (b) to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another. 2. (a) to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner. (b) to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence).

The past three months have been tough. For a year, my whole world has been centered on our adoption process. Everytime our Homestudy was delayed, or our Social Worker said she would call, and didn't, we would both say, "It's all in God's timing!" Saying it, put us both at ease. When the list didn't move last fall, we said "We're just beginning - we still have alot of waiting left to do!" No. Big. Deal.

In June, we repeated to ourselves, "it's all in God's timing." Then came July, we asked "I wonder why God's stalling the list and our process? We want her home by Christmas!" Many questions have crossed our minds. I became frustrated, angry, and even lost hope that we would even see the light at the end of the adoption tunnel. We kept reminding ourselves that God put us on this path, and HE is faithful. I trusted Him. I did. But I silently wondered why he couldn't just move the list a couple of spots. Restore our hope for a little while longer. I mean, He can do anything, why not this little thing?

Then I realized, through MANY revelations, that I was focusing WAY to much on the list, movement, and what number I was that I was losing sight of what really mattered. Jesus.
It was then that I surrendered.

I didn't give up - I let go.

I let go of the fact that I can't do anything about the list standing still.

I let go of all the details of how many referrals per month it will take to get her home by Christmas.

I let go of it ALL. I surrendered this process to Him. It's His process, not mine. It's His daughter, not mine. HE has given me the immense pleasure of loving her, teaching her, raising her and cherishing every single day with her. She is HIS, not mine.

I LOVE the way the Bible uses the word surrender.

"Surrender yourself to the LORD, and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7a

Patience is hard, and so is surrendering. However, I believe we were made to do both, in Him.

Trusting in Him allows us to experience peace, freedom and His power in our lives.

Like the old hymn goes, " I surrender all."

All to Jesus I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him;
In His presence daily live.

Refrain:

I surrender all;
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
Oh, the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His name!

Getaway

Since we have been saving and saving for the adoption, we haven't really gone anywhere in a while. Gone anywhere to get away, that is. So my hubby and I decided to take the boys and go camping for an extra-long weekend.

I really needed to forget about everything adoption and get up in the high elevation and see God's beautiful country. I was excited. We all were. Chad wanted to get away from everything work, and relax. No cell phones, no TV, it was going to be GREAT.

We left on Thursday afternoon and headed up. We found the perfect campsite, right on the lake,

and maneuvered the pop-up in just the right spot. We decided that he would begin popping up the camper and I would go pay for our three-night stay. I didn't want to take the dog with me and so I put her in the truck and headed up the hill to the self-pay station. "Should I roll down the window?" I asked myself. "Naaaa, it's cool out here, and besides, I will be right back."

Came back from paying and proceeded to empty the truck. Well, I tried. The doors were locked. Huh, that's funny, why would Chad lock the doors while I was away?

Me: "Hey, babes, do you have the keys?"

Chad: "What keys?"

Me: "The key's to the truck." (hello!)

Chad: . . . feeling his pockets for the keys. "I think I left them in there."

Me: . . . starting to panic, while running to the truck to see if, in fact, they were in the ingnition.

"Uh,Ohhhhhhh."

My sweet hubby then calmly went into the trailer to get a coat hanger (that we have used for roasting marshmallows) and tried for AN HOUR to get the door unlocked.

He stayed calm, and I panicked. ALL of our food, clothes, bedding . . . EVERYTHING was in that truck. Locked. No cell phone (in the truck). My cell was dying and I couldn't get service. Wouldn't help anyway, who would we call? No one had a key to our house and therefore couldn't get our spare key. We were a good hour from home and had NO way of getting back safely. It was going to be getting dark in about two hours and we were stuck. In the wilderness. No food. No coats. Nothing.

We were contemplating breaking a small window, when a guy in a BIG truck stopped, rolled down his window and said, "I hope that's your vehicle!" We laughed. (ha, ha, ha . . . funny, dude!) Then his friend pulled up behind him and they both got out. We explained to them what had happened. The two guys and Chad ended up prying the door enough so that the coat hanger cleared the weather strip and then he pushed the unlock button with it. An absolute miracle! They then told us that they were just in the area looking around! They were at the right place at the right time. It took them less than ten minutes to help us.(I was shocked that they stopped.) They were from Washington and they were camped pretty far from where we were. We thanked them excessively and were totally thankful they came, and even stopped.

When they left, I said to my oldest son, "I believe those two men were Angels. We... were just touched by Angels." (Which happens to be my favorite show on TV right now. They have such good messages!)

Who would have known that a little three-pound dog would have locked the doors!

It was an important lesson for all of us. Next time I see someone that needs help, I will stop and offer. If they would have not stopped and helped, I still don't know what would have became of our getaway. What started as horrible, ended up as one of the BEST 'vacations' we have ever had as a family.

We . . .

. . . hiked,

. . . rock climbed. (Not really). Kind of a cool picture, though. The rock is only two-feet off the ground.

. . . echoed. (I'm pretty sure that's not a real word, but you get the idea.)

. . . fished.

. . . . roasted s'mores, relaxed, read and enjoyed ourselves immensely.

We came back Sunday, burned, filthy, exhausted but, pleasantly happy.

It ended up being a GREAT getaway and just what we all needed.

Some things

Some things I have been doing lately. . .

. . . not blogging. I really haven't had anything to blog about. There has been no movement in the list for about 9 weeks. But I'm not counting ;)

. . . wondering if this drought in referrals is normal. Well, it is. I checked. We had a lull in the fall of last year (it seemed easier back then). And others that have been through this assured all of us waiters that it is in fact, normal. The adoption process is very unpredictable.

. . . schooling. We started our school year a week ago. We started early so that we can have a month break when baby sister comes home.

. . . visiting a friend that just came home from Korea three weeks ago, with her adorable baby boy. It was great to hear her experience and see what it's like on the other side of waiting. (Now I'm wondering if a month off from school is enough time to adjust and get back on schedule).

. . . coming to the realization that we won't have baby girl home before Christmas. This was a tough one. Even if we do get a referral within the next month or two, the probability of her coming home before the New Year, is pretty small. Korea has a limit of how many visas are issued per year. The families that recieved their referral in June/July have been told that they may not get their babies' visa issued before the end of this year. Heartbreaking.

. . . understanding that EVERYTHING is in God's perfect timing. Trusting that HE has our best interest at heart. Knowing that we will see our baby's sweet face, eventually.

. . . feeling for those that have been waiting at the #1 and #2 spot on the list for the past 9 weeks! My heart just aches for these two families. It's been a long haul. One in particular has been waiting for longer than any of us, and Karen, I am praying for you and hoping that you will see your sweet daughter's face very soon!

. . . reading.

. . . listening to adoption-related podcasts.

. . . trying to be patient.

. . . teaching my boys the value of working together (and not fighting).

. . . praying. ALOT.

. . . dreaming of the day when our little girl will be with us, the family she was created for, and the family that was created for her. *Sigh*

More questions

Well. . . since there is nothing to report as far a list movement, I thought I would answer some lingering questions that I'm sure some of you may have.



When we tell people that we are adopting a little girl from South Korea, we get MANY reactions. Some excited, some apprehensive and some just don't say anything. At all.



For those that are excited, they either know someone personally that is adopted, or they know of someone that has adopted. For those that are apprehensive or quiet, they just don't know much about adoption and so they just don't say much, and may ask an occasional question or two. Here are some questions that I thought I would address today.



Can you not have children of your own?



Believe it or not I was actually asked this question at church, while attending an Adoption Support meeting!



When I went back to the Dr. for my check-up, after we lost the baby, my greatest fear was that he would tell me that this was the end of my pregnancy days. I haven't had the best of times with my pregnancies, let me tell ya! I only have ONE ovary, one was removed while I was pregnant with A, because it swelled up to the size of a football and it was very painful with a 7-month (gestation) baby beside it. (It really was the size of a football, I have pictures!) Anyway, when I went back he said I should have no trouble conceiving. They don't know what went wrong with the baby, the tests were inconclusive. Having another baby was ALL I thought about while grieving. I knew it would take time, and by the time I was ready, God had laid another plan on my heart. Adoption. So to answer the question, yes, we can, but I feel that this is what God destined for our family.


Isn't adoption REALLY expensive?

Well, it isn't cheap! But what is anymore!

People really love to hit on this one. "How much does it cost, anyway?" When I tell them, which I have learned not to do anymore, I get this; "WOW, I don't have that kind of money!" and "I think it's really sad at how the government exploits children like that - someone is getting rich off you!"

First of all, we don't have that kind of money either! When we say we are adopting, people act like we won the lottery and just want to 'give it away.' Yes, adoption is expensive, but to me it's only money. Those same people that think we're nuts, sign on a brand-new truck that's worth more than an adoption. I'm not trying to get poopy on you, but you can't take money with you to heaven, but I will be able to take my daughter!

Secondly, the money spent on adoption is for the paperwork and the process, not the child. It is illegal to 'purchase' a child. However, I think that the government could make it easier and cheaper on all of us. Both agencies and adoptive parents. There is the FACE Act of 2009 petition in place which will enable children being adopted from another country to receive immediate US citizenship instead of the visa process. (click on the link and sign the petition!)

The moral of the story is adoption is totally worth every penny, and if you are lead by the Lord, HE will provide. My God owns cattle on a thousand hills and there is NOTHING He can't do!

You don't have to go over there and get her, do you?

Now, in their defense, the ones who usually ask this are Korean War veterans. The Korea they left, is a very different Korea, now. It is very western-ized. The babies are vaccinated, just like American babies are. The medical capabilities are just as good, if not better, than here. And South Korea is totally safe. We have personally heard hundreds of stories of families traveling to get their babies and having the greatest time ever. Literally, can't wait to go back! Nothing but positive. I bet 80-90% of couples adopting from Korea go and experience the culture and beauty of their childs' birth country. The ONLY thing keeping us from going is the boys. I really want to meet 'baby sister' as a family. Flying all of us over there would not only be hectic but more than we want to spend (or have!) By the way - still haven't decided on which to do yet: escort or travel. We will do what is best for us and best for our little girl.

and last but not least:

Wow, that's quite the process, huh?

Yes! It is! I love the road we are on and thank our Heavenly Father EVERYDAY for it. It takes patience, faith, and trust, but I absolutely love all of it. Well, I don't love that we have been #5 for six weeks! But I would rather be #5 than #15 or #25! How's that for optimism!

I want to tell those of you who have thought about adoption or have even looked into it - don't give it up! Don't say 'it's not for me' or 'it's too expensive!' We said that too, but we pushed on, and God will open doors you never knew existed! God won't leave you alone if He's prompting you. He has great plans for you, you just wait! Email me if you have any questions, I would be happy to help!

Hopefully this time next week we won't be #5! ;)

God brought kitty.

There are two kinds of pet people, well actually three kinds, the cat-lovers, dog-lovers and those that choose not to have pets. I am a dog person, my hubby is a cat person. I was raised with dogs and he was raised with cats. So how do two people with such backgrounds choose their first pet? Our first pet was . . . a cat. Yep, he won.

Actually, I loved our kitty, Phoebe (he also picked the name). She was very independent and never listened to a word I said. I quickly found out that cats aren't really trainable, well unless they think it's worth it. So when our beloved kitty passed on (she had really bad skin cancer) I didn't plan on having another one. We got a little dog for the boys and we were good with just one pet.

My youngest son is a cat-lover. He has begged for a kitty for the past year. Literally. My parents and my in-laws both have a cat and I said "you have a kitty honey, at Nanny's and Grandma's." Um, not very convincing, I guess. I have came to the conclusion that my little boy prayed for God to bring us a kitty.

On the morning of our 10th wedding anniversary, a tiny, malnourished, scared, wild kitty found itself under our bay window. It took us about an hour to finally reach her and pull her out. She was extremely skinny and barely alive.

She was so little and could barely meow or even eat. We fed her warm milk and she acted like she hadn't eaten for a long while. Within minutes, she was purring.

That night we kept her in a big box inside the house and she cried alot through the night. She was really scared and was very unsure of her surroundings. She was NOT used to being around humans. My oldest son asked "why is she crying and meowing so loud?" and I said "she's calling for her mommy."

Four weeks later, she is a VERY different kitten. She prefers me over anyone else. She's playful, curious, healthy, and brings so much happiness to our family. I go out to greet her and feed her and she comes right up to me and purrs the loudest purr I have heard a little kitten do. Where before, she wouldn't come near any of us and she was petrified of everything.

Here she is about two weeks ago. She is now twice this size.

I now know why God sent us this kitty. The path of our kitty parallels the path of life that begins when our little girl comes home. She won't be malnourished and afraid of humans. But she will cry and mourn for her Foster mother. She will be unsure and maybe fearful of her new surroundings. And although we won't nurse her back to health, we will begin the attachment process. Kittens don't purr unless they feel safe, and I believe that our baby girl will supernaturally know that she was meant to be in our arms and in our family from day one. It will feel "natural" to her, just like kitty felt naturally safe.

I don't equate the "saving" of a kitty to that of "saving" our daughter. God has shown me through this instance that animals, just like people, are born with instinct. And our little princess will instinctively know that I am her mother. It will feel right to her. This little lesson that God gave me really put me at peace. I will instinctively know what to do and how to attach, with Him right by my side. There is alot to adoption, but I wouldn't have it any other way and I am so thankful for these gifts that HE has given us.

Update(s) with butterflies

Adoption: Absolutely NO movement, what-so-ever, on the list since June 8th! I know, what is up, huh? Bring us some babies already! This is sheer torture and I can't imagine what life is like when you're #1 and waiting. Jumping. every. time. the. phone. rings. That will be me, well, I already jump when the phone rings and I'm only #5! It will be soon, though, July is our month for FOUR referrals, I can feel it! ;)

Baseball: The Machine-Pitch season is over. No more cheering. No more Wednesday night practices. No more games. What will I do with my summer now? I'm sure I will find something! ;) We finished at First Place, 7-1. Not bad, but I am sad for it to be over. It was a great year and K. (our oldest) really improved on his skills. Can't wait for next year!

Waiting: Doing anything and everything to keep my mind off of that darn referral call. Just thinking about that phone call sends my whole stomach into butterflies. I can't wait! NO, REALLY, I literally can't wait! Actually, I CAN, and I will! Being able to tell our number on the list with ONE hand really does something to a person. One word, Butterflies.

Festivities for the Weekend (the Fourth of July): BIG plans for the fourth. Well, unless you count a really small town parade, a lunch BBQ, then a dinner BBQ and fireworks BIG, then ok, BIG plans. We do it every year. And every year we say "I wonder what we will be/have/do next year at this time?" Well, hold on folks, I can say with assurance (I hope) that our little girl will be watching the parade with us next year! (Butterflies, yet again)

Last year at this time we were praying and seriously considering adopting a little girl from South Korea. It was at the end of July that we officially filled out the Preliminary Application and received the ENORMOUS package in the mail. I was at a family reunion in Kansas when Chad got the packet. Overwhelmed, he called me and asked, "what are we doing again?"

Once I got back, we trudged through each piece of paperwork. On August 4th, 2008 we mailed off our official Application and the money it took to get us started. Our agency received the check, packet and put us on the girl's list on August 14, 2008 at #25. That's the day we became a waiting family. I anxiously await the day that we finally become a forever family.
Oooh, a familiar feeling, butterflies.